Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Confessions of a disgruntled jeweller...part 2

"Do you stock wedding rings?"

"Yes we do. Would you like to see some out the window?"

- Much trying on , umming and decisions later -

"Now let's work out your size..Ok you are a size J, it's pretty small, but according to the system we can order if for you in only 4 days!"

"Order? We are getting married tomorrow. Do you not keep it in stock?"

"No, we only keep one of each ring in stock, and we have to order the rest in, especially in that small a size."

"That's ridiculous! Call yourselves a jeweller! Were never coming back in here again!"

*stalks off*

"Thank you!! Have a nice day to you too sir!!"

*Runs in back of store*

"What does he think this is?? A warehouse? If we had every single ring in this store in every size then we would be the size of fricking Macro!! And need a gazillion security guards!! He's crazy!! Why do they do this to me?? Aaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!"

*Takes in startled expressions of colleagues*

"Ok, I'm done. Sorry."

"Good morning sir, can I help you look for something in particular?"

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Jeely Piece Song

If you've ever watched The Singing Kettle, you'll remember this yin!


I'm a skyscraper wean, I live on the nineteenth flair,
An' I'm no gaun oot tae play ony mair,'
Cause since we moved tae Gracemount I'm wasting away,'
Cause I'm getting one less meal everyday.


Oh, yae cannae fling pieces oot a twenty storey flat,
Seven hundred hungry weans 'ill testify tae that,
If it's butter, cheese or jeely, if the breid is plain or pan,
The odds against it reaching earth are ninety-nine tae wan.

On the first day ma maw flung oot a daud o' Hovis broon,
It came skytin' oot the widae and went up instead o' doon,
Noo every twenty-seven hoors it comes back intae sight,
'Cause my piece went intae orbit and became a satellite.


On the second day ma maw flung me oot a piece again,
It went an' hit the pilot of a fast low flying plane,
He scraped it aff his goggles, shouting through the intercom'
"The Portybelly Reds have got me wi' a breid an' jeely bomb".


On the third day ma maw thought she'd try another throw,
The Salvation Army band was standin' doon below,
"Onward Christian Soldiers" was the piece they should have played,
But the oompah man was playing on ma piece and marmalade.


So we've wrote away tae Oxfam tae try an' get some aid,
An' a' the weans in Gracemount have formed a piece brigade,
We're gonnae march on the City Chambers demanding civil rights,
Like nae mair hooses ower piece-flinging heights.


Thursday, October 9, 2008

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

21 reasons to date a horseback rider...

1) We have 4 speeds and many positions
2) We wear tight pants and tall boots
3) We love getting dirty
4) We know how to ride our mounts
5)We perform well with animals
6) We like to be in control
7) We’ll ride it for hours
8) We know how to handle a big girth
9) We get off easy
10) We're always on top
11) We like it rough
12) We have our legs spread all day long
13) We love using whips
14) Straddling is our natural position
15) We don't mind being bucked around
16) Event riders do it for three days
17) We can ride standing or sitting
18) We wear leather chaps everyday
19) We think the fast ones are the most fun
20) We're used to having hands between our legs
21) If we fall off we get back on and ride harder

P.S. Have you seen the posting trot???!!!

I'm feeling a little bit in pain from my riding lesson the other day, my body hates me after not having to use those muscles for 5 months. So I was looking for something to make me feel better!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Confessions of a disguntled ex jeweller..

"Good morning sir. Can I help you look for anything at all?"

"Yes, the one in the window."

"Not a problem, would you mind pointing it out for me?"

"It's the one in the window."

"The what one sir? Is it a necklace..?"

"No! It's a ring."

"Ok, do you know what type it is? Would you mind pointing it out?"

"It's the one at £1750"

"Ok, but we have a lot of rings at that price. Is it yellow or white gold?"


"I don't mean to be rude sir, but it would be easier if we could just go outside and point it out."

"Oh for goodness sake. THAT ONE!"

"Ah! Well for starters, that's a pair of earrings and secondly, they are £3500. Would you like me to help you look for a ring instead?"

"Oh I can't be bothered with this!"

*stalks off*

"Have a nice day to you too sir!!"


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

New Flatmates!

So I have new flatmates. I don’t think words can describe how happy I am to have new flatmates.

The last 4 months have been particularly painful due to various personality and cultural clashes, and the atmosphere in the flat has been awful. Coming home at night and disappearing straight into my room was not the kind of experience I had been hoping for when I joined the internship programme. We took numerous steps to try and resolve this, but nothing was working.

But now! Wooha!! The offending flatmate has left and we have some new blood! Our new R.A V is a friend of ours and was happily welcomed to casa Ilinga and J. The following week, the new intern intake arrived and we got 2 more guys to live with us. The flat is now happily full and the change in atmosphere is amazing. There were actually people coming to visit us on Sunday night for dinner, and they hung around afterwards too. This is a phenomenon unknown to this flat!

I spent last night slouching on the sofa watching Top Gear on BBC America, with one of the new guys. Have so missed Top Gear. But it was so nice just to be sitting with like-minded people and not feel uncomfortable.

Plus I shuffled into the kitchen for some breakfast on Monday morning and found on of them washing up the dishes. I could have hugged him.

Love it!